The divorce is finally over and you're officially single, but are you ready to start dating again? While it's tempting to hook up with someone new, you need to proceed with caution and not get involved too quickly. First of all, give yourself time to get over all the garbage from you marriage, because old habits and expectations will color how you relate to someone new.
Let time take the edge off your hurt. Decide what qualities that you want in a potential suitor before even going out with someone. This will prevent a lot of heartache and awkwardness. Once you find someone with similar interests and background, you have the chance for a good friendship, even if love doesn’t evolve.
If you have children, you need to enter this phase of your life gradually. Begin by setting time aside to just be with your friends. This way, when you do begin to date, your children won't resent you spending time away from them.
It is best not to parade a lot of casual dates through your kid’s life, because it will cause anxiety in their world. They can become fearful, insecure, jealous, and worry about being abandoned. If it seems like you have met someone special, introduce them gradually for limited amounts of time. Children will resent any sudden changes in routines. You also need to make sure that you are spending individual time with them so that they don’t feel pushed aside or worry about losing another parent.
You can also find more suggestions and help in The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. This book relates to people who have gone through divorce, explaining the range of options available today and providing practical tools that help readers assess their needs, research their options, and make decisions accordingly.
If you're still a little shy about entering the dating scene, you can always consider using an online matchmaking service like Yahoo! Personals, which has a lot to offer, even if you live in a small town. You can run a quick search to find lots of great people in your area, take the free love style and personality test to help rank your possible matches, and create a free profile to get started.
It takes time and patience to start dating again. While you may not be as carefree as you once were, you’re probably a lot wiser. Try not to rush things with a new relationship, or fall in love with the first man that you date. Give yourself time to see if your feelings are real, and if the relationship has any potential. Best wishes for a love life that makes you sparkle.
©Tracy Achen 2005
At WomansDivorce.com we have one focus - helping women survive their divorce and rebuild their lives.
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