Learn To Be Thankful For What You Have
You still have much to be thankful for, even with the inevitable changes that divorce brings. Actively try to find joy in the life you have right now. Be thankful for the birds singing, for the wonderful smell of your first cup of coffee, for the angelic look on your children’s faces as they sleep, or the friend’s shoulder you can lean on. Allow yourself some of the simple pleasures in life, such as reading an uplifting book, getting outside to enjoy the sunshine, or baking chocolate chip cookies.
Sometimes it helps to remove the things that bring back depressing memories. Arrange the house to your liking, take off your wedding band, and put away those wedding pictures. Why plunge yourself into despair when you don’t have to.
Start keeping a journal to track when you are feeling depressed. Is there a certain time of the day, or maybe something that triggers your sadness? Once you find a pattern, choose to remove yourself from the situation that makes you sad and do something different. In other words, don’t subject yourself to the pain.
When you’re feeling blue, mentally tell yourself that you choose to be happy, regardless of your situation. It may feel fake, but emotions have a way of grabbing hold of your attitude. Wouldn't you rather your attitude be one of joy and happiness?
Look Beyond Your Pain
If you find yourself overwhelmed with your situation, give yourself permission to not think about it for a while. Think of it as a mental health break. Paste a smile on your face (even if you don’t feel like it), compliment someone, or do something nice for a friend or neighbor. The idea is to stop focusing on your misery, and start looking beyond yourself. There is true joy when you brighten someone else’s day.
Limit Your Sorrow
If this just doesn’t seem to work, set aside 15 or 30 minutes a day to allow yourself to be sad. If you find yourself reminiscing during the day, tell yourself that it will just have to wait until your scheduled down time. When this time arrives, allow yourself to feel the sadness that has been hounding you. Feel it fully, but once your time is up, tell yourself that you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to be miserable again. As the days pass, you’ll find yourself making less and less use of this time. Eventually, you won’t even need it.
You can use your divorce as a stepping stone to a better life. Yes, things have changed, but this is no excuse to give up on life. You won’t always feel this devastated. As time passes, you will feel the sting of your divorce less and less. In fact, the majority of people who divorce come to view it as a positive step in their lives. You can also.
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By Tracy Achen, author of "Divorce 101: The Woman's Guide to Divorce." (This article may be freely reprinted provided that it is unaltered and the above information is included.)
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