And even if you eventually leave the sexless marriage, it’s not necessarily easy to leave the baggage at the door of the old homestead. Negative self-esteem dies hard, and damaged sexual vulnerability can be excruciatingly slow to repair its tender self. Whatever negative messages your former spouse put out, whatever shamed or lackluster self-concepts you came to believe – they are leftover from a past situation and should be declared officially obsolete. Now that he is no longer in your life on a daily basis, don’t give him the power to make you feel bad about yourself anymore, even if it’s just in your memory or imagination. Now that you’re an all-grown-up woman coming into your own, don’t give society the power to make you feel ashamed or silly for re-emerging as a sexual being.
Key to beginning the healing process is an acceptance that the past is the past, and the future begins fresh today. Sure, it may take some good therapy, journaling (or blogging!), new shoes, plus a generous swath of time to shift gears and adopt a new life-affirming sensual self-image. But the longest journey begins with a single step, and this one’s well worth the effort. Sexuality is a birthright, and it’s designed to last a lifetime. Feeling sexually desirable and attractive is famous for putting a sparkling glint in the eye and a youthful lift in the step at any age - so get ready, get set, and go get that God-given mojo back in the game.
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©2004 Analise Pendergast
