Rebuilding your self-esteem - your ego and how good you feel about yourself - is one of the first steps you must take. There are many ways to move in this direction...
You might buy a new suit; paint the inside of your home; take a trip to someplace you've always wanted to visit; go to see a special movie or any number of other things. The important thing is that you do something that makes you feel good.
From there, comes the introspection of where you are, and what you're going to have to do in order to survive. Plan it all out on paper, and then do what you have to do in order to make it come out as you've planned.
Most important - don't be afraid of making mistakes or of "falling down" once or twice along the way. It's just as if you were eighteen year old again, and just beginning a life on your own. It's like when a baby learns to walk - he's going to stumble or fall a couple of times, but by continuing to try, he eventually not only walks but finds he can run as well. So it is in rebuilding your life after a divorce.
It'll be hard, but the sooner you start dating, the easier it'll be for you to regain your emotional well being. At first, even though you have to force yourself, you should just go out and associate with other people. See for yourself that other people don't "immediately recognize you" as a divorced man – a loser, or a failure. In the course of recovering from a painful divorce, it's not unusual for a man to go through a number of brief sexual affairs. With some, there's a flurry of sexual activity - followed by periods of celibacy- and maybe a "special steady" for awhile. This kind of activity is really sometimes necessary, and definitely a part of the healing process as some men rebuild their self-esteem.
Almost all people who have gone through a divorce, go through at least one transitional partner during their healing process. This is a person that seems to be the answer to all your dreams - they're the "special girlfriends" that ease a divorced man through the trauma - they're good for them; they listen to them; they're sensitive to their needs but never demanding; and they fulfill their sexual hunger. It's great to "find and use" such a transitional partner, but be aware of your own situation and their usefulness to you, and don't allow yourself to end up marrying them. You may care about them a great deal, and feel sure that they're the answer to all your dreams - that they have all the love you could ever ask for - but don't marry them - what you're feeling is only the peace of an oasis in the middle of a desert. And don't feel badly when eventually you break off such a relationship. Some people are born to nurture others back to good health, and seeing you on your feet again, and on your way to real happiness is the only reward these people really want. Then too, who's to say that you won't someday be a transitional partner for someone who's hurting just as you once did...
